


Love If It's Torture

by psych_nostalgia



Category: Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Multiple Partners, harry if you squint, squint really hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 07:25:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4011007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psych_nostalgia/pseuds/psych_nostalgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They always come to her first.</p><p>Short drabble-ish fic that turned into a few more chapters, which I will post regularly. If inspiration sparks me, I will continue, but don't wait up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Way Things Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is really short, but next chapters are longer. Hope you enjoy!

They always come to her first. At some award show, an afterparty, a gala. But the thing is, only few of them ever get past the polite small talk. It’s her who does the choosing, after all. Why wouldn’t she? She’s the one able to make anyone feel special, like she actually cares. But she doesn’t, of course, nor does anyone else. The 20 degree head tilt and the intent stare full of interest has always been natural for her anyway, as shown by her long list of famous (or infamous) ex-lovers.

 

Commitment has never been part of the deal, and it’s a good thing, because she’s lost count of the number of simultaneous affairs. The tragic thing is when her partner doesn’t know what the deal is. They don’t understand when she doesn’t pick up the phone or answer texts. They can’t accept the feeling of detachment when she speaks. She can usually tell the ones who get it apart from the ones who don’t.  

 

As well, boys lost her interest once she met Harry. He opened her eyes and revealed everything a boy was in a relationship: unsexy, overconfident, egoistical, and boring. They always had the same old tricks in bed and truth be told, Taylor’s experienced just about all of them. Unbeknownst to the media, she broke it off before one week of their relationship. Of course, she’s always known boys were boring, but she never thought of going for the other team before. That was, until her newly found model friends shocked her by being so open about their sexualities.

 

“It’s rather unfortunate, isn’t it?” Cara suddenly turns her head towards Taylor, who is already sitting upright on the white sheets, staring blankly at the wall. Taylor didn’t even know she was awake. The sight of her shirt hiked up, her hair in a messy bun, and her faded red lipstick on Cara’s neck causes her to unconsciously lick her lips.

 

“What is?” Taylor already suspects the meaning behind her vague words, but asks anyways.

 

“How it has to be.” Cara sighs, blowing away a few strands of her dark blonde hair.

 

Taylor doesn’t respond, but the silence is enough.

 


	2. Thinking Out Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than I thought...but promise it gets longer!

Ever since last night, Cara had been thinking about what she said to Taylor and how she didn’t respond. _Probably a touchy topic,_ she thought. 

 

It was inevitable, to be honest. Cara had dated Harry for a short while and understood why Taylor had opted for her on that drunken night still filled with blank spaces- _haha._ She would be lying if she hadn’t thought about Taylor that way before.

 

The way her and Taylor snuck around, avoided pictures together, it gave her a thrill, something to hide. But both of them knew that it - all of it, was temporary.

 

These kind of relationships (could you even call it that?) never last. She would know. Not to mention Cara obviously wasn’t the only girl on Taylor’s current to-do list. The thought of someone else seeing Taylor the way Cara saw her when they fucked enraged her. And the thought of it being one of her friends? She’d rather not consider the possibilities.

 

As she walked past the busy streets of New York with her sunglasses that ensured no one would recognize her, her phone vibrated inside of her coat. Mulling over whether she should answer or ignore the call for 5 seconds, she decided to get it over with, knowing who was going to be on the other line. Without checking the Caller ID, she clicked the answer button.

 

“Taylor?” Cara feigns carelessness, as if she hasn’t been spending the whole day thinking about her. She quickly trotted into an alleyway for privacy.

 

“Cara?” The shock of Karlie’s voice caused her to jump a little. “Why were you expecting Taylor? I didn’t even know you guys were friends…” Cara racked her brain for a reasonable excuse, but Karlie was quicker. “Did you…??” _What was that in her voice?_ , Cara couldn’t quite place the unusual tone, but that was the least of her worries.

 

 _Oh fuck._ “Um no, I…just hung out with her and I was expecting a call,” Cara spoke in a nervous tone, and it might’ve tricked anyone but her best friend.

 

“…Sure you were, Car…” Even though it was a call, Cara swore she could hear Karlie shake her head in disappointment. “She’s my best friend!”

 

“We were drunk, things happened!” She knew that she couldn’t keep up her façade anymore, so she went for the defence. “I didn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to do…” Cara mumbled sheepishly, but not really knowing if she did or not.

 

“Oh, you better have not.” There was a sudden click and then a dead tone ringing in Cara’s ear.

 

_What just happened?_

 


	3. Bring her Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Wildest Dreams.

Taylor loved to bake.

 

It was one of the things that made her feel normal, like she was an actual person. Cookies, cakes, muffins, she loved everything there was.

 

But her schedule made it difficult to do things she enjoyed.

 

So many places to be, people to see, and things to do. All at the same time, occasionally. She loved it, or else she wouldn’t still be here, but it could get tiring…very tiring. One of the other things that made her feel better about her life and responsibilities were her friends. She had a lot of them. Ed, Emma, Ella, Karlie, Cara, and those were just a few big names in her wide circle of companions.

 

 _Sigh, maybe I should call someone,_ Taylor thought as she blindly clicked all the correct buttons on her phone even while focusing on the cookie batter. Just as she was going to press dial, there were a sharp three knocks on the main door. 

 

“Coming!” Taylor patted down her apron as she walked towards the door and slowly turned the knob. However, before she opened the door, she found it swinging in her face, almost hitting her. The figure before her was none other than Karlie Kloss.

 

“Did you sleep with Cara??” Karlie strutted into the apartment angrily but still model-like. _Oh god, she’s hot when she’s angry,_ Taylor smirked a little. “Are you smiling?” Karlie found it achingly difficult to keep her cool. She didn’t have the right to be angry… _she’s not mine,_ she thought. Little did she know, Taylor already knew how Karlie felt about her. They were best friends but Taylor couldn’t help but have a little fun with it.

 

“What’s it to you?” Karlie blushed at this, and Taylor’s face lit up at this. _Time to step it up,_ Taylor commenced to calmly walk towards Karlie. “It was just a little fun, Kar…” And gradually, the younger girl unconsciously backed up and eventually hit the wall.

 

“We could have a little fun too…” Now Taylor’s face was just inches away from her friend. Karlie trembled as she took in a whiff of Taylor’s intoxicating scent. _Get out, get out,_ her mind was screaming but it was not heard. _Cara._ She had to get out before things got out of hand. _But her lips seem so inviting…_ the whole situation was a battle in her mind.

 

“No one has to-” Before Taylor could finish her sentence, Karlie found her lips claiming Taylor’s soft ones, and they melted into the kiss almost immediately. Karlie traced her tongue around the outline of her bottom lip and pushed her back away from the wall. She desperately tried to stop and compose herself but all her thoughts were revolving around Taylor and her taste, and her skin, and her smell.

 

_I thought heaven can’t help me now_

 

Taylor wasn’t about to let her take the control though. As soon as Karlie’s mouth opened slightly, she rushed in and started sucking on her tongue sensually. Running out of breath, the younger girl proceeded to kiss down Taylor’s neck and unknowingly leading her to the bedroom. Both knew where this was going, but only one knew how it would end.

 

_Nothing lasts forever_

 

“Knew you’d come around,” she whispered in her ear in a dark and low voice, eliciting a quiet moan from Karlie. Taylor switched their positions and roughly shoved her on the bed before climbing on top of her.

 

“That’s it…” Karlie couldn’t breathe. “Just relax.”

 

 

_But this is gonna take me down_

 


	4. Two Can Keep a Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...I didn't actually know people read this until today, so a million apologies to you guys. I'll try to write more :)

The bright sun shined in from the wide open blinds. Needless to say, it woke Karlie up.

 

“Taylor?” She slumped over to the other side of the bed, but all that was left was a meticulously folded sheet. Of course she was gone. Why would she stay? A dreadful feeling set over her.

 

 _What did I just do? What about Cara?_ Karlie started to panic and she found her phone on the nightstand. She hurriedly switched to Cara’s text screen but just couldn’t bring herself to do anything but hover her fingers over the screen. As if on cue, the phone vibrated out of her hand and showed a picture of the both of them. The guilt started to seep in, but she answered out of curiosity.

 

“Hey Kar…you still mad?” _Oh my lord the guilt._ Karlie gulped.

 

“No no, I’m okay now…” Cara smiled at that. Karlie was usually harder to persuade.

 

“Really? Thanks…I really do like her if you were wondering…” Cara was shocked that she was being so open about her feelings, and on the phone too. As for Karlie, the guilt was just piling up to an unbearable amount.

 

“Sorry I gotta go now, talk to you later?” She felt the tears welling up and didn’t wait for an answer as she put down the phone. _I’m an awful friend,_ she thought, wiping the tears away as fast as she could, not wanting to stain her friend’s sheets. But her misery rapidly morphed into resentment. She got up, making sure no one else was in the apartment before searching high and low for some sort of note indicating where Taylor had went. After searching for what felt like hours in the giant complex, she finally found a piece of ripped lined paper on the kitchen island.

 

_Hey Kar,_

_Sorry I left so early._

_Help yourself to anything you need._

_Taylor xx_

 

Karlie was in disbelief. That was all she had to say? Without hesitation, she ripped it in half and dropped it in the trash. Grabbing her coat, she walked out as calmly as she could. The door creaked open and she was met with another body. Luck was not on her side.

 

“Ow…” Karlie raised her hand to her mouth in shock. It was Cara, lying on the floor after the taller girl had bumped into her carelessly.

 

“Karlie? What are you doing here?” Cara stood up and faced her with curiosity. The only thing Karlie was thankful for was the fact that her tears had dried and by now, the swelling could be passed off as drowsiness.

 

“Um…I fell asleep on her couch when I went over yesterday,” She was always smooth with her words, but lying through her teeth to one of her best friends did not settle the best of good morals in her heart.

 

“Oh. Is she here?” Cara had a slight moment of suspicion, but brushed it off quickly.

 

“No, she left in the morning, wanna go out?” It was the worst idea ever, but anything was better than to let Cara come in and see any traces of what happened last night.

 

“Sure! What’d you have in mind?” The smaller woman was completely oblivious.

 

“You pick the movie,” Karlie forced a smile and led her to the elevator in a careful manner, firmly closing the door behind her.

 


End file.
